The Unverified Facts on Senator Fred Thompson

After all of the serious coverage of Fmr Senator and hopefully President Fred Thompson here on Gop3.com, I ran across these Unverified Facts on Redstate, originally posted on IMAO, and I had to post them (a play on the Chuck Norris Facts). How can the rest of the field even come close to this? Maybe the other candidates digging dirt in Tennessee will dig up some of these jems…

UNVERIFIED FRED THOMPSON FACTS

* When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.

* When Fred Thompson gave blood in Alaska, it fulfilled the Red Cross’s entire quota for 6 months.

* Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.

* Fred Thompson eats shotgun shells for breakfast and craps 44 magnum bullets in the afternoon.

* Rosie O’Donnell insulted Fred Thompson so he morphed her into a reasonable, intelligent human being. After
that she joined the Republican Party, took Simon Cowell for a lover and replaced Michelle Malkin as a contributor on Bill O’Reilly show.

* Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson is part man, part machine. Underneath, he has a hyper-alloy combat chassis – micro processor-controlled, fully armored. Very tough.

* Fred Thompson uses a .357 Magnum as a remote control.

* Fred Thompson’s carbon footprint is the size of the Yukon.

* Fred Thompson once opened a stuck jar of pickles by winking at it.

* Nuclear reactor coolant fills Fred Thompson’s hot tub.

* There are only 2 things in life that are certain – Death and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson flosses his teeth with a straight razor.

* Fred Thompson eats lightning and craps thunder.

* Fred Thompson uses a machine gun as a back scratcher.

* If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.

* Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson.

* The Ultimate Fighting Championship is based on Fred Thompson’s playground history.

* Fred Thompson reheats leftovers by staring at them.

* Fred Thompson uses high octane gasoline as mouthwash.

* Fred Thompson can see the American flag on the moon.

* Fred Thompson can throw a 95-mph fastball ……. with his foot.

* Fred Thompson uses the St. Louis Arch as a hand exerciser.

* Fred Thompson’s steely glare will soften steel.

* Fred Thompson’s gravely voice will often start brush fires.

* Fred Thompson runs a 4 minute mile in 42 seconds.

* Any stop signal that turns red when Fred Thompson approaches is immediately sent to the factory for reprogramming.

* When Fred Thompson goes fishing, fish swim to the dock and volunteer to fill his limit.

* Tides flow in and tides flow out unless Fred Thompson wants to take his kids to the beach.

* Harry Reid insulted Fred Thompson and was instantly transformed into a one dimensional cartoon cutout
poster.

* A Homeland Security directive requires all Airlines to keep a First class seat available to every city in the United States just in case Fred Thompson wants to go there.

* Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can never fool Fred Thompson.”

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