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Stuff White People Like - Sushi

Written by Brian on March 31, 2008 – 5:21 pm -

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I saw this story in today’s Journal Sentinal about “the traditional Japanese way of eating delicate” Sushi, and it reminded me of one of Stuff White People Like’s greatest posts.

Now that sushi has been established in the United States for some 30 years - and has gained immense popularity in the past decade - a lot of habits have been formed. Most sushi fans believe they know “the rules,” and others feel it’s OK to make up their own [ie the wrong type of white people, as Christian Lander says].

And in a sense, it is. Sushi has evolved over more than 300 years in Japan. A lot of new ingredients were added to the panoply of Japanese cuisine since the nation’s recovery from World War II, when Japan first built a modern deep-sea fishing fleet.

And it was the convenience-minded Japanese who more recently invented conveyor-belt sushi service.

Also, many of the items found on a typical U.S. sushi menu were invented here, including such obvious ones as California, Alaska and Philadelphia rolls. It’s no surprise that Americans have few compunctions about adopting our own etiquette for eating it [ie, again, the wrong type of white people].

I give you Stuff White People Like’s Sushi-entry:

Regardless if you are vegetarian, vegan, or just guilty about eating meat, all white people love Sushi. To them, it’s everything they want: foreign culture, expensive, healthy, and hated by the ‘uneducated.’

But there are different levels of white person Sushi love. At the bottom are the spicy tuna/california roll eaters. These are the people who get their fix at places named “Rock And Roll!” “Magic Sushi Company,” or Trader Joes-type supermarkets. Often times, this sushi isn’t the most authentic, but white people can’t get enough!

The next level up is the entry level Sushi snob, these are people who still love rolls, but are willing to branch out to Salmon and Tuna sashimi, maybe even eel.

Finally, you have the white sushi snob. These people just take it all way too far. Often times, they will only sit at the sushi bar, will try to order in Japanese and will only order Omakase. These people will often be extremely critical of anyone who eats a roll of any type or does not properly flip the nighiri into their mouths.

When white people get Sushi they all want to order Sake to complete the authentic experience.

So, how can this information be turned into personal gain?

White people are obsessed with finding good sushi, therefore if you offer to take them to ‘the best sushi place’ in town, you are sure to have them accept. If you are asian man, this is an almost no-fail method of getting dates with white girls, and maybe, just maybe joining Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s dad.

In addition, going out for Sushi is considered a special evening in white person culture. Not as special as breakfast, but still, it comes with expectations.

For the uninformed: Stuff White People Like is a satire of yuppie white liberal culture. And it is a thing of beauty.

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