The NASCAR Industrial Complex

I used to be a NASCAR fan. For some reason I was enamored with the melding of man and machine as 43 drivers made left turns for hours on end on Sunday afternoon. What I loved the most was the fact that I could watch the first 20 laps of a race, fall asleep and wake up for the last fifteen and pretty much not miss a single thing (except a really awesome crash). However, once I started to think about it, I realized how terrible Big NASCAR really is. And now, I have to be the whistle blower on Big NASCAR.

Well, it’s my theory that NASCAR, with the help of evil corporations, is keeping the environmental lobby down. Ironically, Big Tobacco got out of the NASCAR game a few years ago. Even Philip Morris must have thought NASCAR was too evil of an empire. If environmentalists were true to their cause, they would have been out protesting every race since the advent of global warning. Let’s do the math on this one: There are 43 NASCAR drivers in the average race. If each race averages 400 miles, which means 43 cars go 17,200 miles every Sunday. There are 37 races every year meaning that those cars go 636,400 every year. And that’s only for one of the NASCAR series, to which there are three top tier levels. This all equates to nearly two million miles — just for racing sport — every year.

Now, this doesn’t even account for the 250,000-plus people that drive to each track every Sunday, the practices, the travel each NASCAR team endures throughout a season and the amount of garbage that comes from every hot dog, old style and nacho platter. Don’t forget about every local race track that attempts to destroy the environment on the state and local level. Overall NASCAR sanctions over 1,500 races at over 100 tracks in 39 states, Canada, and Mexico. NASCAR is trying to flood the world with garbage.

Consider the amount of gas and tires that are used during the average NASCAR race. NASCAR teams have to go through at least 6500 tires a year on races alone. Where will all those tires go? I guess we can add Firestone to the list of Big Business that are in on this conspiracy to ruin the environment.

Big Oil obviously has to be the single largest contributor to the NASCAR industrial complex. Race cars average 4.6 mpg. That means race cars on the NASCAR Sprint level go through nearly 3 million gallons of gas every year! I can’t even begin to think of what the Nationwide, Craftsmen Truck Series or every amateur level race car driver adds to this ridiculously huge Complex.

Obviously NASCAR is just a ploy to keep Big Oil profits high, systematically destroy the atmosphere over most of the south, and perpetuate global warming. Why do you think it is so warm in the south? You don’t think the pollution from all those cars has anything to do with it? NASCAR has been at it for over 60 years, you can’t tell me that those original drivers, crews and owners didn’t scheme up global warming and oil prices from the very beginning. Though I could argue that this whole conspiracy didn’t start until 1990 when Tom Cruise filmed the Jerry Bruckheimer movie Days of Thunder. Is it possible that NASCAR used this movie to buy Tom Cruise and Hollywood elite thus making Global Warming a sham? Could the movie also ensured this sham by promising Fred Thompson a position in government, with a possible shot at the presidency?

Is it not obvious that many major corporations are involved in this huge conspiracy? Internationally, NASCAR races are broadcast in over 150 countries. It holds 17 of the top 20 attended sporting events in the U.S., and has 75 million fans who purchase over $3 billion in annual licensed product sales. Obviously NASCAR is just fueling a giant corporate machine. Why else would cars drive around with signals painted all over the cars even though it would be so much easier for every car to be sponsored by Halliburton. Can anyone else thing of a good reason why the US Army car is number 1? The most obvious example of a signal has to be from Dale Earnhardt Jr. who now drives the 88 National Guard Car in NASCAR Sprint and his team owns the number 88 Navy Car in the Nationwide series. A signal to both Bush Administrations perhaps? A signal to General Petraeus signaling the surge is working? Signaling the successful gas and tire price fixing, driving gas to nearly $4.00 a gallon? Jeff Gordon may be the only driver attempting to signal other groups to this huge conspiracy to drive oil prices up. His rainbow colored car has to be a signal to liberals. He’s trying to alert the liberals about the NASCAR Industrial Complex but the complex is keeping him down by making him a repetitiously bad driver.

So now I call upon every environment crazy to get out and protest at the tracks holding signs. “BUSH LIED NASCAR DRIVED” and fight Big NASCAR. Because if Big NASCAR can be taken down, global warming as we know it could be ended, and our demand for foreign oil could be eliminated, thus saving humanity and keeping Dick Cheney from ruling all.

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